This is a mishmash of juvenile poetry written in my mid teens.
Difference between Me and the Beggar Girl Who Comes to Our Door (1987)
We are both human beings
Same dark hair, same dark skins.
I maybe a few pounds heavier,
My hair more rich and glossier,
But if she had more to feed on,
Time to clean her hair and spend on,
Wouldn’t she be my exact ditto?
Ah ha! I’m literate, she’s not;
I am educated, she is not;
But this education is received
After spending a lot of energy and money;
And it is just a means to an end,
Which is to fill my tummy!
While here she is without having spent
Any of her energy or money,
Coolly moving from door to door
And filling her belly.
Not bothered about false pride
Or discourses on self respect,
It’s her job and she does it well.
You may say, “Education
Is not only for eating!
You learn to understand people,
And increase your knowledge about
The trials and triumphs of Humanity.”
Sure, I agree, but if you once,
Start on the spree, your knowledge
Keeps increasing and soon
Gets too heavy to carry.
Then doesn’t that little girl
Come out better off than me?
She may come from an unhappy home,
But so may I,
She may be an orphan,
But so may I.
The only difference is
I sleep in a safe, warm bed
And she on cold, hard stone.
This difference definitely defines
Which girl I’d rather be.
The world is upside down;
What we think is right
Is most probably wrong!
For people find that
With them that they strive
To ingratiate themselves
Led by innocent love, fail
And succeed only in
Alienating them further!
And those that strive not
bother not, other than a nebulous wish,
Find themselves, surprisingly
The object of their ingratiator’s fancy.
Tablets and parchment have already gone;
Paper too will be history soon.
Electronic chips are here and there;
Their brains grow while ours are I don’t know where!
When sleep steals over half the world
And my body rests in slumberous repose;
I then wander into my private land:
My dream land.
A land of sweet dreams,
Ecstatic hopes and fantasies;
Where castles may be built of air
But each stone is laid with love and care.
Each steeple I build there touches the sky;
Each bird I hear sings harmoniously;
Each flower there bears a smile;
My heart is at last quiet happy.
So I lie on my bed,
Think in rapture and sigh;
What does not suit me,
I erase and supply.
Then suddenly with thunder rolling
And lightening flashing;
(Not that she needs moral support)
Fate appears at my side.
Fatimah, Nemesis, Kismet …
How many names she has!
Just as many ways and methods
She employs to wreck my dreamland.
With flowing black hair
And silver eyes flashing;
Quiet calmly she descends,
Right into my wandering.
I shrink back in fear
And watch her diabolical eyes
Reflect the colour
And glory of my land.
She surveys the vistas before her
With malicious delight;
Then raises her sceptre and ruthlessly
Sweeps everything down with careless might!
In one fell swoop my crystal domes are shattered;
My steeples all bent and pointing towards hell;
The flowers have all dried and the clouds
Hang heavy in the sky!
Instead of my fantasies now
I gaze at a laughing face.
Her diamond chip eyes shining with glee;
While I struggle in vain to set my dreams free.
Fate, She must be a beautiful siren
To get away with this disgrace!
First Born (1989)
My first born, my son!
My life’s miracle
My own masterpiece.
For you I dreamt those dreams first
Those castles I built all for you.
Before these eyes I envisaged the age
When the world would lie at your feet
Life to death at finger tips;
Every step on a path strewn with flowers.
You opened that secret door in my heart
So that others could follow.
You were my first born, little one,
Who introduced me to that great sea
Of love and happiness,
Of which pain and sorrow
Play such a major part.
It was for you
That I bore nine months of pain
And yet bore you with love
But it was all in vain!
After all these years you turn on me
And insult me before my friends?
You in whom I stored so much pride
And paraded you with bloated chest!
Couldn’t you show my friends
And keep my respect?
I clucked over you with craziness:
A mother hen when ill,
And protected you like a lioness
But how, you oh mine, I wonder
Could grow into such a stupid child?
I bore you, I gave you life;
To demand is my right!
You brought the light into my eyes
And taught me the beautiful
But fickle love of a child;
But treating you like a guinea pig, I deny!
You were the first,
So you taught me
How to show my love to those that followed.
So you made the path
Easier for them to come;
You hold the halloed position
Of being my first born!
You let my friends
Hold up their nose in disdain,
You hurt me,
But I hid my pain.
Remember for you I dreamt first,
Hoped first and prayed.
All that I own anyway
You rise to gain.
So don’t begrudge the love
I bear the others!